Gunnerrific

I am flying back to san Antonio on friday on everything opposite of a whim. It was a little strange reserving a flight from LAX to SAT, considering I did the opposite for about 18 months.  Several of my friends will be seen, merriment will be had on all accounts, and hopefully there will be a bit of a brainstorm.  Yes,  a plethora of merriment so huge that it will cause the nerdy guy in the corner to drop his nervous tic.  An interesting problem caused by this trip is how best to get to and fro the LAX airport, nevermind the fact that I have a car. Methinks it will take a cab there and a friend a back, thus cheapening the experience of a both-way taxi. Note that back in OK and TX, easy things like driving around are now the most difficult, but at least out here we have nice flora.

In the months that I was travelling back and from from SA to LA (still living in SA), I procurred several trinkets from the San Antonio airport before flying off. Under those conditions, these trinkets served as a ‘slice of texas’ so that we would feel at home, and the Californians we worked with enjoyed seeing what we would show up with next in our bag of Texan magic.  Keeping these hokey little trinkets around has paid off, because now whenever I miss Tejas all I need to do is a take a look at the collection to appease my Texasn alibi.  Nodding his head like an idiot is Big Tex, a bobblehead with a cowboy hat, a gun, a bottle of beer, and of course grinning.  Left of Big Tex sits the rattler, a small painted wooden statue in an attacking pose despite Big Tex’s lasso. Vulnerable but standing lazily next to my rattler are two small leather boots that could use a good shine.  You now know about my Texas trinkets, the ridiculous collection of memorabilia that accompanies me on my personal desk rodeo.  Until earlier today I hadn’t thought anything about this, but I’m pretty sure at night they all come alive and fight it out thunderdome style. 

BY the time the fight subsides I’m sure Big Tex is drunk off his Whiskey.  Maybe that would explain the small puddle of upchucked booze on my mousepad.  Either that or the cleaning lady really needs to get herself under control.

No, thats not the name of a band.  Althought it sounds like a good one.  Dane Cook is actually the funniest man.  I know this because I am the universe’s veritable barometer of comedic entertainment.  Trust me, I’m funny.  Actually, I take that back, I’m hilarious.  Dane is a stand-up comic who has two cd/dvd’s out already, both comedic gold.  He also performed on Dave Attell’s Insomniac Theatre on Comedy Central the other day, which was part of a big nationwide tour.  I found myself laughing to the point of tears while watching it.  It was either that or maybe all the onions I was cutting.  One of the jokes I have heard him tell several times ends with a two word punchline: Lobster Bisque.  Try and figure that one out. 

And now for my mouse trap story:

I purchased some mouse traps the other day.  Woah, easy there, I don’t have active rats running around in my house playing badminton or anything.  As my neighbor states it, there are small mice/rats that she occasionally sees running around outside.  Nevermind the fact that I haven’t seen them, this is a little discerning.  Truth be told, this isn’t my problem, but they apparently are making a home in a spot close to my yard.  Clearly this was something I could handle, having been privy to mice and mice traps in days of yore at a certain Lakehouse in the Beverly Hills of Oklahoma, Grove.  At the hardware store there were a variety of traps.  Reluctant to try new-fangled plastic, electronic, silent, humane traps, I decided to go with what I knew.  Mice and rats beware, I have your number, and my wooden-metal-snap traps will be lathered in a peanut butter so delicious you will be unable to resist its better-than-death taste.

Eager to give it a go, I laid the traps the other night.  Never forget, when playing around with rat traps, don’t drink. Feel free to imagine something horrible happening, however it was only my two house guests that were imbibing, and when they got a hold of one of the traps I swiped it away like it was a set of keys.  Only a guy like me would prevent someone from drinking and mouse-trapping.  Ready to catch some mice, I set the traps in a couple of key places and hoped I would find some dead mice in the morning.

Entering my patio in the morning I witnessed a gruesome scene.  Very carefully I approached each trap, only to see it had been sprung but with no dead mice.  Evidently I’m dealing with some sort of hoity-toity Beverly Hills mice, that think they can just take peanut butter and spring traps at their whim.  Reeling from my first defeat, I think it’s time to bring out the big guns.

PATRICK STEWART

15 Things Since My Last Post.  Go!

1. I’m  25 and loving it!
2. Lost is the best TV show ever.  Every time I talk with someone about it, they say how good it is, and that they are just waiting for when it turns bad.  Here’s one guy that think that will never happen.
3. One time, my neighbor was taking a picture, and she aimed the camera the wrong way.  So she is looking through a viewfinder that doesn’t exist, completely showing me/others the LCD of her huge eye, and she takes the picture.  Proof.
4. Vacations are something I have always said are for wusses.  I’m thinking that after two years without one I am a big idiot.
5. Every time I drive on Mulholland or anywhere in the hills, I am shocked.  This time it was both Mulholland and Bel-Air.  Bel-Air Rd is a windy incline for about 30 minutes, with houses that are so big they could be manufacturing airplanes in them.
6. Captain Jean-Luc Picard was spotted in Beverly Hills at Prego on Saturday, September 24th with what I presume must be his new 1st officer.  His voice is just as majestic in person.  In terms of celebrity bang-for-your-buck, Patrick Stewart is hard to beat.  Star Trek. X-Men.  Family Guy/American Dad.  Excalibur.  Robin Hood: Men In Tights.  Extras.  The beat goes on.
7. As of right now there are two keyings on my car.  My gas cap and the letters ‘DOG TAG’ etched in the rear.  wtf.  I have filed a police report with the Beverly Hills Police Department, who are very nice officers, however I don’t know that there is anything I can do about this.
8. Rawja and Samwar, two amigos from San Antone, flew in for the weekend.  I think I did a pretty good job of showing them everything I could in basically a 2 day period. Libations and food were a plenty.
9. My penchant for Sushi grows strong every day.  Sushi Roku on 3rd is delish.  Raw fish?!  Hells yes.
10. Earthquake insurance has been acquired for my apartment.  I know, I was risking it these last 3 months.  However, now that I have migrated my auto-insurance out here, it was a natural addition.  At the time, it’s like "Hmmm if we really had an earthquake, I’m sure my stuff would be fine."  And then two seconds later it’s like "Hmmm I bet those Hurricane victims said the same thing about flood insurance." 
11. Not many people showed up to my birthday party.  This is okay, because the people that showed up brought their A game.  Their party A game. 
12. Netflix is still rocking.  I have slowed down my frequency of movie watching, probably due to other things picking up, however their rating system has already given me 10+ movies I would never have thought to watch, that I loved, just within the last couple of months.
13. Another celebrity sighting!  This time, Selma Blair.  I know, she’s not super A-List, like Patrick Stewart, but she is still pretty cool.  I actually conversed with her for a couple of minutes, which was pretty interesting.  She seemed pretty cool and laid back.
14. Sunday was a day filled with soccer, gardening, and groceries.  That’s right, PPV live match of Chelsea v Liverpool at 8am at a friend’s in Santa Monica. 
15. Really.  Gardening.  I pulled up a bunch of roots and weeds and soil that was all old and nasty.  I then re-soiled the whole bed, dug a small ditch for 19 bricks to be lined around it, and watered/fertilized everythign down.