Top 10 Arsenal Player Nicknames

Edit: Wow, apparently my attempt to come up with absolutely silly and ridiculous joke nicknames failed miserably. Next time I’ll have to start more clearly that it’s a joke… but that would defeat the purpose. Oh well. F it.

One nil to the Arsenal! At Everton! With an inexperienced squad! So we scored a late winner against Everton’s first team that was one man down. This was a great win for Arsenal today and helps to show supporters and rival clubs that even Arsenal’s youth are capable of winning games. I’d give you a match review, but I’d much rather just send you to The Cannon and Goodplaya who are rapidly becoming the definitive Arsenal Blog Match Reviewers of choice, at least in my book.

It sounds like Flamini played a fantastic game, acting as the midfield controller. Adebayor scored his second late winner of the season with a header from a Flamini cross. Our backline had some of our more experienced youth in Senderos, Eboue, and Djourou, so I’m sure that definitely helped to keep the defense tight. I wish this game was broadcast as it sounds like it was a good win for the club. Apparently it wasn’t even broadcast in England, so there wasn’t a curly cunt hair of a chance of catching it in the States.

In American soccer news, rumors continue to persist unnecessarily about a potential move for Beckham to the L.A. Galaxy. I think it’s a bit too soon to start supplying the rumor mill on this one. Beckham would still be highly valued at several EPL clubs, and maybe other Spanish and Italian teams. However, if the L.A. Galaxy can put together a competitive offer from funding with the MLS, and Mrs. Becks is anxious to give Hollywood a go, I wouldn’t be surprised to see this happen at the end of the season. It really comes down to the size of the MLS offer, if other competitive offers exist, and Posh. There are two good things that would come to fruition if this actually happened. One, American soccer would see a small surge in popularity immediately, and potentially attract future dying European talent. Second, it would kick that primadonna Landon Donovan out of the spotlight like he deserves. Henceforth to be called Landycakes or Primadonovan, per the gents at World Soccer Daily (and Fox Football Fone-In on FSC).

And now I present to you my Top 10 Arsenal Player Nicknames^{* **}

• ^{10. The Baptizer – Julio Baptista}
• ^{9. Van Helsing (and secondly Vampire Slayer) – Robin Van Persie}
• ^{8. Freddie Luxemburg – Freddie Ljungberg – An American announcer actually fucking said this once. It stuck, cause it’s hilarious.}
• ^{7. Tomas Rosencrantz – Tomas Rosicky – A play on said American announcer, if he were to try to say Rosicky.}
• ^{6. Spanish Fiberglass – Cesc Fabregas}
• ^{5. Arsene Wagner – Arsene Wenger – Another play on said idiotic American announcer, if he were to try to say Arsene Wenger.}
• ^{4. Coolio – Kolo Toure}
• ^{3. Alexandre Song Billong – Alexandre Song Billong}
• ^{2. Harrrrgh-leb – Alexander Hleb – where Harrrrgh is a spitting, retching sound.}
• ^{1. Faberge Egg – Cesc Fabregas}

^{* All nicknames apply to the current Arsenal squad.
** Jens Lehmann does not have a nickname for fear that if he discovered that I started one, he would hunt me down and scream at me while pointing a puffy gloved finger at my face.}