Tag Archives: arshavin

Yo Everton Ima Let You Finish But…

That was a dirty, scrappy match that we won yesterday. There wasn’t a stretch of the match that wen’t on for more than 5 minutes (I think) that didn’t have a rough tackle, foul, or whistle. Unfortunately, in the first half, the ref was entirely one-sided.

I am beyond angry at the announcers for that match. They talked about that off-side call as though it were a ‘debate’ and that it was a ‘gray area’ since it touched an Arsenal defender on the way in to Saha. How do these jokers get on the air? If the man is in an off-side position when the ball is played, it doesn’t matter if it ricocheted off an Arsenal player. In fact, if the game were refereed by super-intelligent and super-quick referees (or robots for that matter), the whistle would have been blown BEFORE it hit off of Koscielny. Am I wrong about this? The only case in which Saha would have been onside was if that were a pass back from another Arsenal player.

Hey Moyes. Why don’t you stop trashing Arsenal players about whatever it is they did or did not say. Let the refs handle it. Or Kanye.

Kanye Gives Moyes What He Deserves

Yeah Moyes. Listen to Kanye and be humble that you even got that one lucky goal.

And today is a special day. Because Arshavin scored, I think he deserves some praise. It’s a Double-Kanye-Whammy.

Everton Gets the Kanye TreatmentSo ridiculous.

Anyways, Arshavin finally got over the troubling mental blocks that he’s been going through. He was much, much better against Everton after coming on in the second half. He was in control and really helped turned the tide. After the second half we never looked in doubt, and fortunately the two goals came just within 5 minutes of each other. Hats off to Koscielny who scored another brilliant header. I like that trend.

The only downside of this match is Song picking up an injury. As if losing Nasri wasn’t bad enough. I haven’t heard any word yet as to how bad the injury is, but hopefully our golden haired hero will be back soon enough.

How I Gave Arshavin a Lightsaber and a Unicorn

The other day I made a funny image about Arshavin and his goal face. I said it made him look like he was constipated. Loyal readers commented that generally speaking I was a terrible human being for that. In response, over a twitter conversation with arseblogger, I ended up joking about making Arhsavin riding a unicorn, as though that would make Arsenal supporters happy. I ended up going for it, and I think it worked out pretty well.

ArshavinTo start with, I needed the proper image of a unicorn and Andrei Arshavin. Despite being a mythical being, unicorns are fairly easy to come by on the magical tubes of the interwebs. Unfortunately there are no existing images of Arshavin atop a unicorn, so I’d have to do all the hard work myself. After the right images were procured, I began assembling things accordingly.

It’s pretty simple to cut Arshavin out of an image because he’s very sleak, muscular, and terribly skilled at both passing and shooting. His hairline in particular acts as a sort of wind-breaking helmet, increasing his land speed, and making it easy to cut out of the background.

The image I found of a unicorn was just in front of a forest. I figured it wouldn’t matter and proceeded compositing.

A Unicorn

A Unicorn - The Real Deal

When all was said and done, I had to do some minor tweaking to Arshavin’s leg. Andrei also looked a little strange on a horse like that, so I gave him a sword. The White Knight was starting to take shape. Here’s the final pre-proof.

Arshaving on a Unicorn

Arshaving on a Unicorn - Not Quite Done

At this point in the process, I thought things were looking pretty damn good. I mean, this is a ridiculous concept, and it looks pretty convincing. I realized at this point that I needed to up the ante. I needed to put this scene in a photo of a game. I went about looking for the right dimensions and proportions of a goal scoring opportunity. Lo and behold, it ended up being a shot of Arshavin.

Arshavin's Dragon Face

Arshavin's Dragon Face

With some more work ahead I set about exerting all the photoshop mastery I could muster and removed Arshavin from the shot. That’s right. Aside from owning a lightsaber and keeping a unicorn in his stable, Arshavin can also pull of a very convincing disappearing act. I ended up with this.

Arshavin's Disappearing Act

Arshavin's Disappearing Act

Perfect. From here I went about inserting his Majesty the Unicorn Rider in the back of the shot. I added two footballs in motion going towards the net. Two goals are better than one. After I had Arshavin in, the sword just wasn’t cutting it. Let’s face it, if I’m going to make Arshavin riding a Unicorn, I have to be able to do better than a broad sword, right? Lightsaber time.

The White Knight of Arsenal

Almost Done - Arshavin on a Unicorn, with a Lightsaber

Almost done. The piece is missing that last little bit of pizazz. I need me some lens flare, and I need me  some soft shininess on Arshavin. Like when old Hollywood directors would smear some vaseline on the lens to bring out that super soft focus.

Arshavin on a Unicorn

Arshavin on a Unicorn

Done. Any requests? Challenges?